Pages

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Girls just wanna have fun ~ Cyndi Lauper
Make some fun, happy time ~ Alex Ovechkin

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Hockey Towns need Hockey Songs


Every fan of the NHL has their favorite goal songs. Everybody knows Chicago’s signature song, but, “Chelsea Dagger” gets pretty irritating to non-Blackhawks fans. (I guess that’s why it works and they keep it.) Boston’s use of Zombie Nation’s “Kerncraft 400” is a win in my book.  Detroit’s “Hockey Town” is very original. Gotta say, “Rock and Roll Part 2”, which is used by 3 or 4 teams a year, can die a slow and horrible death. Its overuse has made it trite. Not sure if they still use it, but Phoenix Coyotes use of the Black Keys “Howlin for You” was certainly different. The LA Kings have used Randy Newman’s “I Love LA”, but does it really get fans moving in their seats? And the Washington Capitals have a really great song…. oh yeah, we never decide on a goal song. Many have been tried, but none seem to stick. They even tried a song written especially for them once, but when I was at the game where it “premiered”, I couldn’t even hear it.

We do have some songs that have been used in intros that will always remind me of the Caps. Remember that video of the Young Guns “playing” “Hell Yeah” by Rev Theory? I always think of that video when I hear that song. And for a while they used Foo Fighters “The Pretender” and just recently “Arlandria”. Anybody who knows me knows I am a huge FF fan, so using these songs garner two thumbs up from me. So, yes, we’ve used some cool songs for video intros, but what about a goal song??

Now that the NHL season is about to begin, and the Washington Capitals will probably be rolling out the “We are a Hockey Town” mantra again, I think it’s about time we settled on a goal song and make it stick. That’s what Hockey Towns have. Something that will become our signature (besides the very long and very loud goal horn w/sirens).
I’ve had a few ideas in the past: the “Hey-a-heyaaaa, Hey-a-heyaaaa” chorus of “Shout” from “Animal House (which ties in nicely to the video montages).  And then there is my personal signature goal tweet of "Click, Click, Boom"…ok, that might be too violent for the kiddies, but it is a thought. How about “There’s Gonna Be Some Rocking” by ACDC? Hey, we are rocking the red, right? “We Will Rock You”? I know it's been used in the past, but it's a golden oldie...ok, I'm a golden oldie for suggesting it. I’m figuring it needs to be something more “classic” for it to not get stale, but you could always use something more trendy (but still not very new), like Pink’s “Raise your Glass” refrain. Ok, maybe not. But my point here is IF we are trying to be a “Hockey Town” we need a signature goal song, something that gets people rocking in their seats. Not like we are Chicago or Boston or nuthin.

Voice your suggestions in the comments; they can’t be any worse than the ones I mentioned here. And who knows, maybe we can find a really cool goal song that everybody can rock to and convince the Caps to adopt it…I wish (they'd have to be open to suggestions and read the blog, so don't get your hopes up).

P.S. ANYBODY WHO SUGGESTS GANGNAM STYLE GETS SMACKED REPEATEDLY.

P.P.S. Yes, I do know that copyrights might be a problem, I'll leave that up to Ted Leonsis to take care of.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Let’s Make Shit Up

You all know I do not belong to the mainstream media, which is a blessing because I can use my blog to make shit up. So, let’s play a game and make some shit up! And since this is a hockey blog (at times) mainly devoted to the Washington Capitals (at times), I am going to use them for inspiration. (It’s not like I’m going to be allowed to interview any of these guys anyway, or that there is any REAL hockey news that you haven’t read elsewhere.)
 
Alex Ovechkin once wrestled a bear from the Russian circus. He beat him in round 5 with a power slam to the mat. The gold belt is hanging in his walk-in closet in Moscow. Mama polishes it once a month. Alex and the bear still exchange emails and photographs on Instagram. If the Russian circus ever comes to DC, the bear was promised the use of Ovi’s guest suite.
Nick Backstrom enjoys cooking Italian food, (no, not Swedish). He has a pasta attachment on his Kitchen Aid mixer and makes a mean sausage ravioli. But the sauce is by Newman’s Own. Nick has always identified with Butch Cassidy. He also has a “Kiss the Cook” apron hanging inside the pantry and a complete set of DVD’s of Giada De Laurentiis.

Eric Fehr loves bird watching. While growing up in Manitoba, he would spend his summers, binoculars in hand, combing the shore of Lake Agassiz for the elusive Cinnamon Teal. He once won a medal at summer camp called “The Feathered Friend” for his heroic life saving techniques when he discovered a duck sitting quietly on the shore that he felt needed to be returned to the water, asap.

Mathieu Perreault is really 5’ 7”; his height on record includes skates…and lifts.

John Carlson, known to Caps fans as Captain America, actually wore a Captain America costume for Halloween in 4th grade. He also got a tattoo of Captain America’s shield on his right ankle after the World Juniors, but it’s a bit faded now and needs retouching.
Braden Holtby was going to name his child Sunshine Lollipop Holtby if it had been a girl, because his father is such a huge Lesley Gore fan. Here’s hoping he gets his chance with the next one.
Brooks Laich actually makes his own yogurt. He uses a special yogurt maker from Williams-Sonoma, purchased with a gift card that he won in the annual Caps Christmas grab bag. His favorite flavor is vanilla. He uses whole vanilla beans that he gets at Trader Joe’s and deseeds them with a French knife. He also has color coded cutting boards for fish, meat, and vegtables. The man is a cooking fool.
Jeff Schultz is just a 6’ 6” hunka hunka burning love. Or so I’ve heard.
John Erskine went to school with my husband’s uncle Joe (who is also from Kingston, Ontario). John once shared a pack of gum with Joe in the school cafeteria. Joe still needs to pay John back, but he can’t remember if it was Bazooka or Double Bubble. John, give Joe a call and take him out of his misery, ok?
Tom Poti includes Pilates in his daily workout. He was inspired to do so by watching Susan Lucci demonstrate the Malibu Pilates system ($369.95 on HSN), while recovering from hockey injuries. He credits his return to hockey on his strengthened core and sculpted arms.
Michal Neuvirth chose #30 for his jersey as a nod to former Capitals goalie Jim Carey, but when asked, will say it’s because all goalies wear #30 and deny all knowledge of any Capitals goalie prior to Olie Kolzig, (even though Olie wore #37 and he wishes he could change it now because Olie is the greatest, but that would piss off too many fans like that guy Varly did when he switched from #40 to #1). Michal actually speaks in run-on sentences just like that.
Jay Beagle loves the nickname Snoopy so much; he built a doghouse in his backyard and pretends to chase after the Red Baron when he takes breaks from mowing the lawn. He also likes to steal blankets and carry dog bowls in his mouth, but that really is just hearsay until someone catches it on YouTube.
Jason Chimera eats two bowls of Wheaties with 4 teaspoons of sugar on each bowlful every day. Yeah, that’s how he got so fast. It’s also why he speaks so fast. Sugar buzz baby.
Karl Alzner is secretly on Twitter as @KarLznerInc0g0nit0. Don’t tell anyone I told you, he doesn’t want crazy fans making stupid comments to him. Just let him be, ok?
Aaron Volpatti was so happy to become a Washington Capital that he promised to cook a special dinner for Ted Leonsis and his family once a week. But with the diet Ted’s been on, Volpatti has yet to make good on that promise. He did get a secret recipe for tortellini from Backstrom when he arrived, but Laich keeps on insisting he use some of his homemade yogurt in a dish, so it’s a good thing none of this has come to fruition yet.
Joel Ward doesn’t approve of being made fun of. I’m not risking it.
Troy Brouwer once took the L to the Wilson Red Line stop in Chicago at midnight on a dare from Patrick Kane and thankfully, he was lucky he got back alive. He says it was the craziest thing he’d ever done. Well, except for believing Kane that he’d find a Tim Hortons there but he was really jonesing for some Timbits.
Matt Hendricks belonged to Boy Scouts in school, and even achieved the Eagle Scout rank, but his badges and sash were stripped from him when he was discovered giving some disrespecting punk a wedgie at the annual Jamboree. He still sings campfire songs in the shower though. You can take the boy out of the Scouts, but you can’t take the Scouts out of the boy, I guess.
Jack Hillen is really 5’ 7”; his height on record includes skates…and lifts.
Mike Green doesn’t really drink Muscle Milk, he pours it into the Jacuzzi for its skin softening attributes. Sadly, it has clogged the jets. But Mike did see that guy waving on the back of the plumber’s truck driving through Ballston, so he called him and has an appointment to get it fixed later this week. Well, he doesn’t have anything better to do than wait for plumbers, right?
Marcus Johansson really doesn’t shop at Ikea. He prefers Danish Modern furniture. And, Princesst√•rta. (Oh, just go Google it. Geesh)
Joey Crabb isn’t a real blonde. You can tell because his eyebrows don’t match his hair. He obviously bleaches his eyebrows to create that intimidating blank face look. You know, like when you forget to use eyebrow pencil and it looks like you’re surprised all day and people ask you why you look different? Oh, that doesn’t happen to anyone else? Ok, never mind.
Steve Oleksy carries a secret stash of Milk Duds in his luggage, cuz he really really liked his time in Hershey. Whenever the team travels, he breaks them out and uses them as chips for the poker game. Well, who the hell carries matchsticks anymore? And the guys don’t mind winning them off him; it keeps the hunger pangs at bay until they can soak him for a pricey rookie dinner at The Palm.
Mike Ribeiro was once asked to play DJ Pauly D’s sidekick on Jersey Shore. Unfortunately, Mike’s bling was at Zales getting cleaned that week. Now that Jersey Shore is gone, his agent is calling MTV in hopes of hookin’ him up somewhere else. A man needs a retirement plan, I’m just sayin’.
Tomas Kundratek thought he had to wear an actual medicine hat when he went to play in the WHL. It took four weeks before his road roommate could snatch it away and throw it over the balcony of the Marriott. It happened to land on a groundskeeper, who promptly stomped it to death, thinking it was some kind of gigantic bird that had fallen out of the sky. The groundskeeper has lived off the beers from this story when he tells it in the Marriott bar.
Wojtek Wolski really doesn’t speak English that well. He actually uses Al Koken as a ventriloquist dummy when he is interviewed between periods at games. Next time it happens, look really close and you’ll see his lips don’t move. Oh, and Al Koken really isn’t 5’ 6”; his height on record includes skates…and lifts.

Friday, February 22, 2013

The Wheels on the Bus


Ok, I know that the Caps have made it into the playoffs every year since 2007. It’s been a great run these past few years. But speaking as a fan from the pre-Ovi era, if the Caps don’t make it this year, I am not gonna die. Yes, the wheels do seem to be falling off right now. Yes, I’d love to see them make it to the post-season. But, sometimes we have to accept the fact that not every team can be playoff contenders every year. At least we aren’t Blue Jacket fans. But maybe that’s the lesson that needs to be learned. Imagine being the fan of a team that has only been to the playoffs once and then not even making it past the first round. That would require true dedication. (Sorry, Columbus fans, but it’s an apt example.)

I’m not gonna make excuses for my team. No “short season”, no “new system”, no “lazy players”. It is what it is. If, for some reason, the Caps can pull off a post season this year, I’ll be as happy as I always am. BUT, if they don’t, I’ll be back next season, cheering the guys on and bitching and moaning about all the bad plays, bad penalties, optional practices, injuries and every guy who screws up something. After all, isn’t that what being a fan is all about? Gotta take the bad with the good, even if it is a hard pill to swallow. And if you can’t…the next stop to jump off the bus is just around the corner.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

How I Watch Hockey

It’s been a long time since we’ve actually watched live NHL hockey but old habits will be reemerging tonight. I’ve (thankfully) gained a few new followers since the last time there was a live NHL game on my TV and now it’s time for me to lose some of them by doing the following:

1.       I live tweet hockey games when I am not at them. Yeah, one of those annoying tweeps. Unaccustomed followers will bail within the first period.

2.       I am not a real live media type credentialed blogger so I get to cuss a lot. Most of my tweeps don’t care. So I cuss a lot. New followers may hate this. If so, see ya.

3.      Because I am not a real live media type credentialed blogger, my tweets may not be the insightful type. Game time is not time for serious evaluation for me, it’s fan-girl time, ok? You’ll see more like the F*CK and SH*T and G DAMMIT, HOLY HELL kind of tweets. Especially if my team is losing or some player makes a really stupid move. (The blessing of not being a real live media type credentialed blogger)

4.       Oh, yeah…I YELL a lot during live games. A LOT!

5.       When my team scores, I tweet out “CLICK CLICK BOOM!!!!”  That’s my version of “He shoots, he scores”. This is not an advocacy for violence, just something I do. Get used to it.

6.       I drink. I drink beer. I drink beer during hockey games. I drink beer during hockey games and tweet at the same time.

7.       I do not take any responsibility for typos. If you are a member of the grammar police, please just ignore me during hockey games.

8.       I’m a big fan of #thatswhatshesaid (or just #TWSS ). You’ll see that from me whenever I think it fits. Also, refer back to point #6 if you don’t get my timing/jokes.

9.       I don’t argue online with tweeps who are fans of my team’s opponents. Since I can appreciate their fandom as much as I hope they appreciate mine, my usual tweeps don’t give me grief about my team. Mutual understanding and respect kinda thing. Please don’t bother to try to bait me, I’ll just ignore the tweets and move on.

10.   I get really really wrapped up in the game and miss a lot of @ replies. Please don’t be insulted if I don’t answer your tweet during a game. Also, refer back to point #6.

I enjoy live tweeting games. If it annoys you- mute me, unfollow me, ignore me. I will do this EVERY game I watch on TV. Also, refer back to point #6.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Hockey in BlondeSpeak - Shake That Rust Off, It's Hockey Time Again!


NHL hockey is back tomorrow! Need a little refresher course on the terminology you'll be hearing? Never fear, BlondeSpeak is here; to simplify all the gibberish you'll hear. (Yes, I took a poetry course during the lockout, specializing in dirty limericks; but that's for another post on another day.)

If you are a little rusty, brush up on your hockey terms so you know what's going on while you listen to Joe and Locker (or whoever your particular commentators are for your team if you're not a Washington Capitals fan. Wait...if you aren't a Caps fan, how the heck did you end up here?) And remember, BlondeSpeak is not meant to be technical, it's just the basics in simple language, you know, for blondes and wanna-be blondes.

Anyway, here we go:

Attacking zone: Ok, this is kinda a no-brainer, but maybe you’re not sure. So, when a team is on the attack, their attacking zone is between the opponent's blue line and goal line.

Breakaway: A player in control of the puck has a breakaway when the only opponent between him and the opposition's goal is the goalie and there is a reasonable scoring opportunity. You’ll hear this often, but sometimes it goes pretty quick and you miss the actual execution.
Charging: No, it has nothing to do with a credit card. It’s when the "actions of a player or goalkeeper who, as a result of distance traveled, shall violently check an opponent in any manner”. So in this case “distance traveled” is akin to something like more than three strides before deliberately smashing the living sh*t out of him. Pretty broad interpretation allowed for the refs here, no wonder so many coaches argue when it happens. Oh yeah, it can also result in a game misconduct or a suspension if the infraction is deemed severe enough. Really broad interpretation allowed, hope there are good ref’s on the ice…Yeah, right.

 Dump and chase: “An offensive strategy used to get the puck over the opposing team's blue line and into the corners where players can race to get it, thereby moving the play into the attacking zone”. Basically, they dump the puck down the ice and everybody chases after it. Simple, right?

 Freezing the puck: Nope, it is not putting the puck in the icebox before the game. Well, on second thought, it could be that too. Actually, a player freezes the puck by holding it against the boards with the stick or skates. A goalie freezes the puck (when the opposition is threatening to score) by either holding the puck in the glove or trapping it on the ice.

 Half Boards (or half walls): The half boards are not the short wall around the rink. It really is an actual specific location. It’s the areas along the side boards, half-way between the blue line and the goal line.

Odd-man Rush: Sounds like a dance, right? An odd-man rush happens when the team with the puck has one more player entering the other team’s zone then the other team’s defense (i.e. 2 on 1 or 3 on 2)

Offside: When a player crosses the attacking blue line before the puck does, the team is called for offside. A face-off then takes place just outside that blue line (in the offending player's defensive zone). The determining factor in most offside situations is the position of the skates: both skates must be completely over the blue line ahead of the puck for the play to be offside. That’s why you’ll sometimes see a player standing on either side of the line waiting for the puck; he's getting as close as he can get without going over. Yeah, sometimes that plan doesn't exactly pan out.
The Point: The point is the area just inside the opposition's blue line close to the boards on either side of the rink. Usually a defenseman usually parks himself there when his team is in control of the puck in the opposition's defensive zone. Playing the point has some responsibilities. It includes trying to keep the puck in the offensive zone when the defensive team attempts to clear it; receiving a pass from the forwards to allow the play to reset, and taking slap shots at the goal, hoping to create a rebound or a deflection. On the power play, however, one of the positions is often played by a forward and he attempts to control where the puck goes through passing, and also takes lots of shots. LOTS of shots if he can.

 Referee's crease: Yes, there actually is a referee’s crease! It’s the semi-circular area at the red line, beside the scorekeeper's bench, which a player may not enter when it’s occupied by a referee during a stoppage of play. Ever notice how players hang back when refs are conferring about a play or on the phone for a ruling from Toronto? Yeah, the ref’s in HIS crease and nobody better enter it. If they do, the player could get a misconduct penalty, but usually the ref politely asks the player to move his ass away. (I just threw this in because I thought it was interesting, you’ll probably never hear any reference to it during a game, ok?)

 The Shots: There are three common shots you’ll see and hear about, sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference and you have to trust the commentator to tell you what you just saw. But, here are the very basic descriptions of them. You’ll understand them better if you watch the replays or rewind your DVR and slow the action down:

            Slap shot: A slap shot occurs when the player swings the stick back and then quickly forward, slapping the puck ahead with a forehand shot. It’s a forceful shot, usually with a big wind up, where the player bends his stick on the ice and allows the energy stored in bending the stick to launch the puck forward.

            Wrist shot: A wrist shot is when a player shoots the puck off the blade of the stick with a flicking motion of the wrist. Normally a shot with accuracy and quick delivery. Wicked Wrister!

            Snap shot: A snap shot is a like an abbreviated slap shot, and combines the advantages of the wrist shot (speed and accuracy) and the slap shot (force).

The Slot: This is the area directly in front of the goalie’s crease between the face off circles. It is the prime scoring area up the middle of the ice, between the face-off circles. When a player is said to  "clear the slot," he’s shoving an opposing player out of the area in front of his goal.