Advocating Innuendo

(Disclaimer: This is not my usual style of post, but still an example of the way I think. No, I am not a slut. I just have an extremely filthy mind that is usually kept under wraps, but my husband & friends know all about it.  PLEASE read this with the humor that is intended! If you are easily offended or if this makes you uncomfortable, stop right here and go back to your Lifetime movie, I don’t mind.)

I love innuendo. And a recent Twitter discussion (with @SpeakoftheDevs, of course!), got me thinking along those lines. So, the epic snow of December 09 is still on the ground and I’m bored, and naturally my mind wanders.

There are so many hockey terms that can easily be used as examples of double entendre and sexual innuendo. Anybody who knows me will tell you; my next logical step would be that I take it to the extreme.

I’d like to propose a game. I thought of as many applicable hockey terms that I could and went online to get a few more. See if you can think up a paragraph about hockey using some of the terms from the list. It may be like homework, but, I promise, if you have a mind like mine (or like Carlos’), you’ll have fun.

One thing you may not know about me; I am a closet goalie fan. Not any goalie in particular, just goalies in general. To me, there is nothing better than watching a good goalie in action. Now, add some ‘hockey terms’ to the way a goalie plays and see if you can appreciate the double entendres that can be applied. It wouldn’t be fair to ask you to do a little homework without writing a paragraph myself (although rather tame as a precaution-don't want to scare off any timid readers who have gotten this far), so here is mine:

Who could not love what a goalie does when he’s in the net? I could watch them protecting their five hole all night long. And, I’d get between their pipes anytime, especially if the result is a biscuit in my basket. Even if they don’t personally pay the price for a penalty, I’d happily get in the sin bin with one of them. When they swallow up that puck, or spread out into the butterfly position, I melt like the ice in their crease. A goalie can light my lamp by just keeping a squirter from going through. There would be nothing better than a full strength body check into the boards from a goalie in my opinion, laying on the lumber with a little roughing added in. But, unfortunately, the only way I am going to score with a goalie is if my husband takes up hockey. On second thought, that’s not such a bad idea…

Here is the list:

Back Check
Banana Blade
Between the Pipes
Biscuit/Biscuit in the Basket
Boarding
Body Check
Butterfly
Cherry Picking
Crease
Curl and Drag
Dangle
Dive
Dump and Chase
Face Off
Face Wash
Five Hole
Forward Line
Full Strength
Grinder
Head Deke
Holding
Hooking
Icing
Kneeing
Knob
Laying on the Lumber
Light the Lamp
Meat Wagon
Poke Check
Power Play
Roughing
Saucer Pass
Shaft
Sin Bin
Soft Hands
Split the D
Three on Two/Five on Three/etc
Top Titty (FYI-I have never actually heard anyone use this term, but I did find it online & laughed my ass off!)
Wrap Around

Additional Joe B/Lockerisms (Caps fans will recognize these):
Dipsy Do
Kabong
Squirter
Squeaker
Swallow him up

Ok, so now you probably know more about me than my own mother does. If it changes your opinion of me in a negative way, that’s ok. Like I said at the top, this isn’t my usual style of post, I was bored and my mind wandered...Any questions?